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Sunday, July 26, 2009

Tuesdays with Mr. Pibb

by Pearse McGrath

I work in an office. Just a regular, old office. When it comes time for lunch I like to leave my building, get a bit of fresh air, meet up with a friend and hopefully enjoy a half-way decent meal. There is one drawback to the area in which I work though. There is absolutely nothing good to eat around here. The downstairs cafeteria is ok, there is a lot of variety down there and the food is decent. But it's a little on the expensive side and frankly, I just want to get out of the building for a while each day. Now this leaves me with the outside lunch options. They include: McDonalds, D'Angelos, Wendy's, a few pizza places and a Chipotle Mexican restaurant. Yep, that's some 5-Star Michelin rated quality establishments right there. Not expensive,
but it adds up when you do it everyday and the physical toll it's taking on me will be evident when I drop dead at 35 from a heart attack. So hitting up these spots day after day can get old. But there is a bright spot in this mind-numbing, soul crushing, day to day bleakness. And
that, my friends, is the availability of Mr. Pibb brand soda at Chipotle. Now if you're like me, soda is not something that you regularly drink. It's not really thirst quenching, has way too much
sugar and it is perpetually glued to the hands of some of the most disgusting, lazy, fat messes that walk our great land. But Mr. Pibb is different. This is the stuff that epic Scandinavian poems were written about. If it was socially acceptable to bring a goblet into Chipotle and fill it with Mr. Pibb, I would do it. In fact, not just any goblet, I would use the bejeweled false holy grail goblet from "Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade." You know the one. The golden, shimmering cup that Elsa convinced Donovan to drink from, resulting in a disapproving look from a mad old knight and one of the most brutal face-melting scenes in 1990's cinema. I'm convinced that Mr. Pibb's greatness would trump the life-taking effects of the false grail. And I'm somewhat sure that when I sipped from it, an old man would casually say "You have choosen....wisely." Also, I'd just like to add that I bought that movie from Burger King.

Not only does Chipotle serve the hard to find Mr. Pibb, but they have Mr. Pibb Xtra on tap. This is like finding 20 bucks on the ground, picking it up and then realizing that it's a 50. Anyways, to make a short story even shorter, Mr. Pibb is an example of how one small thing can brighten up your day.


  1. Mr Pibb is an actual drink???
    I thought American Dad made it up!! They love that shit on that show.